Chang Wook Park (45 yrs old)
Level 7 / Busan, Korea
Written in Mar 10, 2015

Deeply Rooted Inferiority

It seems to have started in elementary school. I remembered being poor and discriminated against because I wasn’t good at studying at school. All of my friends’ fathers had good jobs, but I remembered my father did not, so I had memories of comparing and grumbling in resentment. I remembered making a mistake and was in the same circumstance as others at school, but only I was discriminated against by my teacher and so I resented the person called my teacher. Everything started with my inferiority and distrust.

Pride, The Expression Of Inferiority

I studied so hard I almost died in order to get to college. However, I did not last long. My pride collapsed after meeting my girlfriend of the time. And even after getting married and living with my children, I had conceptions of women and would cut out women from my life, including my wife and daughter.

When it got really bad, it would be expressed as rage. So great was the grudge against people and the world. In the meantime, I changed jobs to work at a school. I could not escape the disappointment in the teacher I had had as a child. Because I had those thoughts of being discriminated against, there was conflict at every step with the other teachers. Since I did not have a solution for his life, I spent time drinking.

I Met This Meditation

My wife, who was exhausted at the time, started meditation after being introduced by her sister. She had been suffering from a lot of stomach pain and was taking medicine to cope with her severe depression. After finishing up the levels, my wife came home and I saw she was very different. I came to Nonsan six months later. At that time I thought this meditation and I were not compatible, so I repeatedly packed and unpacked my luggage. There was no other hell. Nothing could be solved while holding on to the self.

So I thought, ‘This is my last’ and I took a leave of absence. As I packed my bags that time around, I thought this is the last of my days with meditation. That was my level 4 crisis. Acknowledging, it was hard to get to the point of accepting. This meditation found the origin and the owner of me who had been attached to my own body and mind. Although I still have levels to get to, if I just entrust, I don’t think there will be any hitches along the way.


Source: www.meditationlife.org